Here’s a hard, yet healing truth, that I learned in the deepest time of dealing with my sleepy neuro-disease reality: Your life looks exactly like your thoughts. So if you’re thinking that everything is too hard, or you’re too tired, or you can’t, then guess what–that’s exaclty what is true.
And you might be thinking, well yes, Molly, it is true because it’s a fact. It’s called being realistic. What’s the problem with that?
You might not be ready to hear this, so let it marinate first before you dismiss it: your life will always look exactly how you talk about it.
See, I would say that I wanted better for myself, to be different, to not be so tired and all of the mood side-effectst that go along with it, but instead I just kept saying what I thought was the only true thing: I was too tired.
So I kept being too tired. And guess what else happened, nothing. Nothing magically changed or got better. And each day was the same. And along the way, while dealing with this level of tired in conjuction with motherhood, moving, stressors, relationship struggles (it’s hard to keep a friend when all of your energy goes towards staying awake)—I started thinking of myself as Broken. Not that there was a thing about me that I was working on, BUT THAT I WAS BROKEN AS A PERSON.
The very essence of what I viewed myself as was hopeless, pitiful, and not capable of doing much.
And so what I saw through my eyes looked like this to me, and everytime someone spoke to me it seemed like they were agreeing with my self-proclaimed opinion.
I didn’t know that I could be tired, or struggle with something, and not have that be WHO i was. I could still be ME. With all of the giftings and qualities I possessed. I could still speak about myeslf as alive, joyful, awake, thriving. I kept having what I was feeling: too tired. So now I was going to say what I wanted.
See, words are containers. They carry either death or life. And we become what we say and think because that is the very script of the life that we are writing.
Who did I want to become? Was it true that I had unique ways my body thrived? Was it also true that I couldn’t compare myself to someone else? These things are true for EVERYONE> not just for me.
I’m no longer speaking about who I am as a bad thing and seeing my life as a struggle.
It’s a constant process of reminding my brain/mind that I’m more than one thing/issue or one part of me. I am more than just tired. So much more.
This is why I am chasing More Life.
Won’t you join me?
follow me on my instagram @ijustneedanapfirst to seek More Life and hope with me!
